Managing Jealousy in Consensual Non-Monogamous Relationships

In Western culture, monogamy is often seen as the ideal relationship model. Many people see monogamy as the "norm", believing that one partner can meet all of the other's emotional and sexual needs. With this often comes the belief that it’s impossible or unethical to love more than one person at a time (Lecuona et al., 2021). 

History tells us that non-monogamy has existed since ancient times, and the idea of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) became more popular during the "Free Love Movement" in the 1960s (Montali et al., 2023). However, many people who grow up with little exposure to CNM find it difficult to navigate these types of relationships. Whether practicing “swinging”, open relationships, or polyamory, CNM requires clear communication, understanding and management of one’s emotions, and agreement on boundaries.

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For those who choose to practice CNM, here are some strategies to manage the challenges that can come with them:

1. Practice Patience

Learning to manage jealousy takes time. This is a process that evolves over time as relationship dynamics shift and individuals discover what works best for them. It’s okay to sit with the emotion, acknowledge it, and explore why it’s present.

2. Emotional Regulation

Jealousy is a normal emotion in any relationship. It's important to practice awareness and develop coping strategies like mindfulness, journaling, or self-compassion. Remember that feeling jealous doesn’t always mean that something is wrong; it can also be an opportunity to improve relationship dynamics and focus on your needs.

3. Set Boundaries

Clear physical and emotional boundaries can be communicated with all partners to ensure everyone feels safe, heard, and respected. Establishing these boundaries may help reduce jealousy within the relationship.

4. Communicate Consistently

Be open with your partner(s) about your feelings of jealousy. Discuss your concerns, and talk about ways to make you feel more secure and respected. Open communication helps maintain emotional balance in CNM relationships.

By incorporating these strategies, individuals can better manage the complexities of CNM relationships and navigate the emotions they bring.

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‍Author's note: The content in this article is for educational purposes only. Please speak with a healthcare provider to obtain appropriate recommendations for any mental health concerns.

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References

Lecuona, O., Suero, M., Wingen, T., & de Rivas, S. (2021). Does “Open” Rhyme with “Special”? Comparing Personality, Sexual Satisfaction, Dominance and Jealousy of Monogamous and Non-monogamous Practitioners. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(4), 1537–1549. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01865-x

Montali, L., Frigerio, A., Spina, F., & Zulato, E. (2023). The Discursive Construction of Polyamory: Legitimising an Alternative to Monogamy. Sexuality & Culture, 27(3), 894–915. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-022-10044-0 

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