The Power of Self-Compassion: Transforming Your Inner Dialogue

Kindness and understanding can go a long way. We often find it much easier to extend compassion to others when they are going through difficult times than it is to ourselves. Pay attention to the language of your inner voice when you make a mistake or fail at something. What does that sound like? Now, compare your thoughts when a friend approaches you, speaking harshly of themselves for a difficult circumstance that they attribute to their shortcomings. Notice the differences in how you approach compassion and understanding for a friend and for yourself. 

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Self-compassion aims to turn compassion inwards. This may look like offering ourselves support and encouragement when we make a mistake or feel badly about ourselves. When we change the response from coldness or judgment to self-compassion, we allow ourselves permission to reframe challenges and thus develop the coping skills and resilience needed to face life’s difficulties. To have compassion for yourself means that you recognize yourself as human. The very shared experience of humanity makes clear that it is an inevitability that we will all face challenges, fall short, and make mistakes. Accepting this and working with reality, rather than against it, opens the door for acceptance and compassion to take place. It also allows us to understand our connectedness as human beings in this very universal experience. 

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Embracing a self-compassionate mindset helps us to feel safe and able to cope in life. Taking a balanced approach as self-compassion teaches means that we recognize our suffering and neither suppress nor exaggerate it. Self-compassion encourages us to recognize our suffering with acceptance rather than to over-identify with it, so we can avoid getting stuck in a cycle of self-pity, which can be an isolating and destructive experience. Self-compassion, by contrast, provokes a learning and growth orientation that can move us away from feeling stuck or alone (Neff, 2024). 

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There are many ways one can work towards practicing this self-compassion. Recognizing and challenging your critical self-talk is a good place to start. Additionally, incorporating self-compassion breaks throughout your day and keeping a daily self-compassion journal where you reflect on your day and process difficult events through a lens of self-compassion are all viable strategies. Seeking direction, such as speaking with a mental health practitioner who can guide you in this process, is also a good place to start on your journey towards self-compassion.  

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“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” - Louise L. Hay

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References

Neff, K. (2024). Self-Compassion: Dr. Kristin Neff. https://self-compassion.org/

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